More Rights, Courtesy of the State

While Dan was posting the federal information, I started making phone calls.  I had a lengthy and very interesting conversation with Pennsylvania Diversity Network and a quick call for shared resources to Freedom to Marry.  There is much information to digest!  

Let me acknowledge some of my privileges: I'm straight, and white, from a middle-class family filled with advanced degrees.  I am a lifelong Unitarian Universalist, and I have always held equal rights as a religious value.  I also grew up knowing and loving and respecting same-sex couples in just the same way I did opposite-sex couples.  Sometimes I forget that this is not true for a lot of people.  Too often I forget that a lot of LGBT folks did not, or do not, have supportive friends or communities where they can just be.  I always understood some of the discrimination and the struggle, and certainly as I have gotten older I have understood more and more.  Of course, since I am not lesbian, I can never fully understand. 

What's fascinating for me in this moment is to consider the size and complexity of the network of benefits, and thus the network of discrimination.  Now, I haven't been married (or divorced) before, so of course lots of these are new to me... The big stuff - income tax breaks, hospital visitation, and health benefits seem obvious.  But things like Medical Power of Attorney, and that it doesn't give the right of burial determination.  So, if Dan and I were to get equivalent-married, in addition to power of attorney, we'd have to put in our will or other legal document our burial wishes and name the person who can make those decisions.  Otherwise the state of Pennsylvania is legally obligated to get that information from the next of kin.  

I found the state laws, PA Domestic Relations laws. It's not exactly a comprehensive presentation - I need a lawyer... and a few days to read through these.  Consanguinity is not allowed (great vocab word). And apparently, we no longer need to be tested for syphilis. (Section 1305 was repealed June 25, 1997).  


There's a 3-day waiting period to get a marriage license.  There's a 90-120-day waiting period to get divorced.  This we will surely discuss in a future post!

Here's a categorical list from the Pennsylvania Diversity Network website of state marriage rights denied to same-sex couples.  Perhaps Dan and I can use this more comprehensive presentation to help us interpret the legal jargon from the state:

Assumption of Spouse’s Pension 
Automatic Inheritance 
Automatic Housing 
Lease Transfer 
Bereavement Leave 
Burial Determination 
Child Custody 
Crime Victim’s Recovery Benefits 
Divorce Protections 
Domestic Violence Protection 
Exemption from Property Tax on Partner’s Death 
Immunity from Testifying Against Spouse 
Insurance Breaks 
Joint Adoption and Foster Care 
Joint Bankruptcy 
Joint Parenting (Insurance Coverage, School Records) 
Medical Decisions on Behalf of Partner 
Certain Property Rights 
Reduced Rate Memberships 
Sick Leave to Care for Partner 
Visitation of Partner’s Children 
Visitation of Partner in Hospital or Prison 
Wrongful Death (Loss of Consort) Benefits


Questions to consider:

• How can straight people be the best allies?
• If we do end up getting legally married, should we do it in a marriage-equality state?
• How far does one take one's advocacy?  (Should we even live in a non-equality state?)
• Does this even matter, since we're so straight people will never question our relationship and give or project most of the benefits of marriage anyway?
• How much of this is social assumptions and expectations vs. legal?  Which came first?!