The System Stinks

What can I say?  Wedding planning is fun!  We've got the hall, the caterer, the dress.  We have the A+ guest list (sorry friends, this is the hard part), the photographer, and my 4 year old niece already has her dress.  We'll do some pre-marital counseling to explore communication, expectations, etc, etc.  Like most couples I know, we've saved the details of the ceremony for last.  This is a bit odd since I am a minister (at least one post to follow on that...), and I constantly remind couples "the ceremony is the whole point."  Sadly, somehow public vows and the actual rite of marriage take a backseat to the DJ and cake flavors... and even this minister fell victim to it.


And we'll keep planning the details -- in December we're having a beautiful ceremony and a fabulous party, even if we don't sign a legal contract.  Now, however, it's time to get serious on what it means to be married.  


In our state of Pennsylvania, and in most of the United States, "marriage" can only take place between a man and a woman.  Luckily for me, my relationship fits in that box.  Unfortunately, many, many U.S. citizens, including many of my friends, cannot enjoy the legal privileges and protections of "marriage."  (Remember, even when a same-sex couple is legally married  a state with marriage equality, they are NOT granted the federal privileges -- think taxes, immigration laws, military spouses...)  I hate that.  I hate that I just get to take advantage of laws and protections, most of which I don't know or understand.  I don't want to participate in a discriminatory system and  I certainly don't want to be complicit to this denial of civil rights.


At this point, I know that there are some 1300 federal, state, and local laws in our favor, and I'm determined to know every single one before I sign anything.  


It's going to take lots of phone calls and emails, and meetings with lawyers, accountants, insurance agents, and anyone else who will talk to us.  If you are reading this and you have a recommendation, resource, question, or personal experience to share, PLEASE comment on a post or send us a message.  Like in any good long-term committed relationship, we need all the help and support we can get!

Have to keep this first post short, many more to come.  Here we go!